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Showing posts from December, 2024

Mood swings after X-mas

source You know that feeling, when you're in a bad mood and can't quite explain why or how?  Imagine me, a cat nestled on my lap, lost in a playlist of nostalgic jazz, the soothing crackle of a fire, and the haunting wail of a snowy wind outside. Sounds lovely, doesn't it? But all of this collapses when reality seeps in. Me, in my thirty-sixes, jobless, with no income, bills piling up, and rent looming. Despair settles deep.   And yet, I have to continue. I have to keep pursuing everything, as if I’ve never grown up, as if I’m naively unaware of the disappointment life inevitably brings. Listening to my cat's purrs somehow soothes my rumpled soul.  I know I am capable of many things, and I know I will succeed, but the world feels so rigid and discouraging, as if any hope for change is met with resistance. What’s left to do, if not fight?

"Sunny" x-mas

  source This year, I haven't put up Christmas lights, I haven't decorated a tree in my apartment, I haven't even bought Christams cookies for my coffee. What I did was working with myself and my mental health problems all year to be happy at this very moment. Never before have I ever been joyful. Most of my life I've been feeling unamused and blue. At least, now sun is kissing my cheeks and a smile cracks from this ancient, ugly face. Merry x-mas to me 🎈🩷